All week I’ve been dwelling on, pondering on and digging into the idea of “how do I come to God?” Last Sunday Allen Hood preached a fantastic message about this very subject (see earlier post from this week) and I must say it’s been a long time since I’ve been challenged in my relationship with the Father.
He said 3 weeks of dwelling on and meditating on one word “FATHER” – in my prayer times what do I fill all the emply space with? Well, I’ve been doing this and many it’s hard, and it’s very challenging. A couple things I have realized about myself and my relationship with the Father….
- I really don’t have the intimate relationship with God that I thought I did. I mean I speak of it, I preach it and I thought I really lived it out. But I came to realize and God has revealed to me so much about this. I have been asking the question all day everyday, why can’t I come to him as a loving father, one that I can really share my most inner thoughts, struggles and victories with? I always come to him as GOD, kind of like he is GOD, a little scary, a little bit mad at me and I’m afraid to hear what I think he really feels about me. Now, I know saying all of this I’m putting myself out there, but that is OK, I am POSITIVE the most struggle with this. Even in my worst times of my life when I really needed him and cried out to him, it was never tender like a “poppa” So question is why? How do I change that? (man, I’ve preached on this so many times)
- As always it goes back to our natural life and the relationship we have with our earthly fathers. Mine was good, I knew my father loved me, I knew he cared about me, but we did NOT have an intimate relationship at all. In our home the less dad knew about what was going on the better the house ran or smoother it ran. At least this is what we were taught. My mother was mentally sick from alchol and she lied to him, hid things from him etc… this is what I learned. IF something happened it was always taken to mom and dad left out of the picture. I knew my father could get mad and have a temper and I never wanted to see that. I was scared of him in some ways. NOT that he ever hit me or threathen me, it was just the way it was.
So all week I’ve been struggling with this entire concept of “POPPA” and why I don’t have that with God – I can teach it or preach it like a mad man but it’s not the life I’ve been living.
Yesterday while at the prayer room I was talking to God about this through my prayers. I’ve been praying for my daughter and asking God for a miracle (one that I’ve experienced in the past) and in a moment He says to me “pray like this….. I’m praying from the heart of a father to the heart of a father” And then He said “I am your Father that cares about your prayers, my heart breaks like yours” In that moment something shifted within my spirit – I thought I was going to fall over!!! It was a moment that I knew he heard me and I knew that HE REALLY CARED about me and MY HEART.
Allen said in him message the most intimate word for this is “POPPA” and used the illustration of grandchilren — that’s all he had to say — I think of when I walk in the door and they smile so big and say “POPPA” as they run to me. That is EXACTLY the relationship I want with my Father!!!
I’m going to continue this for the 3 weeks I was challenged to do and I’m so excited to see what happens. I can say this for SURE this morning — the prayer I prayed yestester with my Father was powerful and this is the place where prayers are answered.
Have a fantastic day