Yesterday on the way home from work I had some deep worship on and was talking to God as I’m driving along. The fast is going well but I struggle while working, it’s hard to keep the focus spiritual while working and everything around you is flesh. Don’t get me wrong I work with great people but the hunger pains are a reminder to feed on His Word and to worship. Can’t always do that when you are working and running around. So, my drive home is a fantastic time to connect back with the Lord.
I have a few things that I am seeking from him during this fast, most are pretty personal and others are about ministry. One is this: I wonder how I can love Him so much, praise so hard, go so deep and the next minute when something shakes me I can be angry, say things I should not say about someone. For example road rage 🙂 you know when someone does something really stupid on the road, cuts you off or drives super slow in front of you when you can’t pass…. MAN I say things that are not Godly at all sometimes. It really bothers me how I can be this way….
Back to my drive home…. I am asking the Lord why? how? And I say out loud to Him you need to show me, tell me and help me with this. Not 2 minutes later I’m on highway 88 and I’m driving about 50 or 60 miles an hour when a car going the opposite way of me puts his blinker on to turn left, there is me and about 6 cars behind me so he can’t turn, so he pulls into my lane like it’s a left turning lane and stops, just sits there waiting for us to pass so he can turn….. I am approaching him quickly and I lay on my horn, yelling at him and calling him names, saying how stupid he is with some choice words in the middle of it all. I have to swerve into the oncoming traffic lane to avoid hitting him… to say the least I was not happy. As I passed him it was like in slow motion, I look over at him in anger and when I saw him everything changed. It was a little very old man that probably shouldn’t have been driving, but he had no clue what he had done. As I got back in my lane all of a sudden a wave of compassion swept over me, to the point where I teared up….I said a quick prayer for him and I understood how sad this was and how he must feel in his life.
As I am driving I HEARD…. HEARD the Lord say “A double minded man is unstable in all his ways” — I kind of ignored it and then it hit me like a ton of bricks!!! HE SPOKE TO ME, HE ANSWERED MY PRAYER that I PRAYED just minutes before when I cried out to him for help on this issue during this fast.
The truth is there are area’s in my life that I am still double minded… I thought I was way past that but I’m not…. there is no such thing as “parts of our lives that are double minded” we are either double minded or we are not!!! BUT he showed me, now it’s up to me to focus my life on “ONE THING” — All in, all the way!! No turning back.
I’m am thankful that He loves me enough to show me. Pressing in hard.
James 1:8 “a double minded man is unstable in all his ways”